


Daedalus's Bastion, Julian's Bower

by Arcadias_Fire



Series: Whoverse Stories [3]
Category: British Actor RPF, Doctor Who (2005), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Established Relationship, Infidelity, M/M, Multiverse, Psychic Bond, Romance, The Tesseract (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2020-12-21 05:16:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21069488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arcadias_Fire/pseuds/Arcadias_Fire
Summary: Tom and Loki make an odd pair. A god who runs a bookshop and a human Classics Professor. In a world of alien invasions and unknowable things, even a romantic holiday can lead to trouble. Especially when one is in a relationship with the God of Mischief.***It was beautiful here. The woods were a verdant green and Tom could see water flowing in the background. “Where are we?”“Norway.”Tom started at stared at his boyfriend. “Norway?”“Yes. I’ve been… intrigued by your realm’s mythology about myself.” Loki gave him a crooked smile. “The tales have little to do with my own life, but I found this land beautiful.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after "The Doctor, The Professor, and The Madman" and is set during Series 11 of _Doctor Who_ and contains spoilers for that series. It does assume that you've read the first two stories in the series, but doesn't require it.

“Loki, where are we going?” 

“It’s a surprise.” 

Tom looked down at the half-packed suitcase on his bed. “A surprise that requires a week’s worth of warm clothing?” 

Loki grinned and added another jumper to the case. “Yes.” 

Tom sighed and decided that if his boyfriend was going to surprise him with a trip to god-knows-where - literally, in this case - it would be best to go with the flow. His job at St. Luke’s University as a Classics professor was on hold since the term had just ended, so he didn’t have anything on his plate for the next few weeks. Prepping his lectures for next term would be fairly effortless, so he could take the time away. “Oh very well. Are we at least staying on Earth?” 

“We are. A short jaunt only.” Loki pulled the Tesseract out of his pocket dimension and gazed at the azure cube. “I would prefer not to make a large jump, for safety’s sake.” He smiled at Tom, though it was slightly nervous. “One never knows who might be watching.” 

Tom raised an eyebrow. Loki regularly teleported back and forth between London and Bristol, but hadn't left Earth since he arrived several years ago, at least to Tom's knowledge. He certainly could if he wanted to, but the god was reluctant to do so, for various reasons. 

Aliens had always been a part of Tom's reality - invasions sometimes seemed to happen every week - but it was only in the past nine months that he realized that  _ some _ aliens looked just like everyone else. Rather a large number seemed to look completely human, at least on the outside. Loki looked just like  _ Tom _ in particular - at least if one accounted for coloring differences - but that was a whole different kettle of fish. 

And it wasn’t just Loki, who was actually the only member of his species in this whole universe, no. Almost a year ago, Tom had learned that one of his fellow professors at St. Luke’s university was actually an alien hiding in plain sight. The Doctor had convinced Tom to seek Loki out, to try and discover  _ why _ he had a doppelganger living in London, which lead directly to today: a surprise holiday to someplace with a cold climate via magical teleportation. 

“Tell me we’re not going to Antarctica?” Tom asked. “I don’t think even several layers of jumpers and my anorak would deal with that level of cold.” 

“No, my darling. Nothing so exotic.” Loki laid a small kiss on Tom’s cheek. “We most likely shan't need most of your cold weather gear, but better safe than sorry.” 

Tom sighed. Loki tended to be overprotective, but it was hard to fault him. Although they first met years and years ago, his current relationship with the god started shortly after the death of Loki’s husband, Chris. The Australian expat baker had been struck and killed by a drunk driver. Loki had been completely devastated by the loss. The pair had been together for five years, and married for most of that time. Loki had long ago referred to Chris as the love of his life, so it was difficult to fault him for not coping well. However, when one was a literal god with the power to bend reality to one’s will, “devastation” could mean something very different. So Tom put up with a bit of over-protectiveness. 

“Very well. When do we leave?” 

“Whenever you’d like. It’s not as though we have a flight to catch.” 

Tom laughed. “Teleportation has its advantages.” 

“Indeed it does.” 

“In the morning, then?” 

“Perfect.” Loki pulled him close and kissed him again. “I am glad that term is finally over and I have you all to myself.” 

“Me too.” Tom returned the kiss. “Are you staying here tonight?” 

“If you'd like. Unless you'd rather come back to London with me?” 

Tom shook his head. “Traveling via Tesseract has been making me feel a bit queasy. I'd rather not push it.” He leaned in and gave Loki a long, lingering kiss. “I'd rather like to spend our time in more productive ways than feeling ill.” 

The god smiled. “I can certainly agree to that.” He drew Tom into another kiss, vanished the now-full suitcase into his pocket dimension, and pulled Tom onto the bed with him. 

As Tom was falling asleep after they made love in his cozy bedroom, he wondered if this holiday would be a turning point for them. Normally, this was about when Tom's relationships started to falter and die. Nine months to a year tended to be the limit, for whatever reason. Sometimes the spark just died, sometimes he or his partner realized that there wasn’t anything real between them. That it was all sex and no connection, or vice versa. He and Loki were psychically connected, so even if they stopped being lovers, they would most likely still be friends, but one never knew. 

Teleportation took the distance out of their long distance relationship, but not living together made the whole thing seem... impermanent. They hadn't even talked about moving in together. Loki owned a building in London which held his own flat and his bookshop. Tom's job was here in Bristol, so for one of them, moving in together would mean leaving their life behind. They made it work the way things were, but something just didn't feel quite right. 

o0o

The following morning after breakfast, Loki teleported them out of Tom’s flat near the university and into a forest. It was a bit chilly, but not cold enough to require much in the way of cold weather gear. Tom suspected that Loki didn’t really understand how human body temperature worked. The god’s natural form was icy enough to burn after prolonged contact, so he didn’t ever get cold. That combined with overprotective tendencies meant that he though Tom would freeze to death if the temperature fell below five degrees. 

But it was beautiful here. The woods were a verdant green and Tom could see water flowing in the background. “Where are we?”

“Norway.” 

Tom started at stared at his boyfriend. “Norway?” 

“Yes. I’ve been… intrigued by your realm’s mythology about myself.” Loki gave him a crooked smile. “The tales have little to do with my own life, but I found this land beautiful.” 

“It’s lovely, but I hope we’re not camping out; we didn't pack for that.” 

“No, my darling, I would never subject you to such a thing. I’ve found an… unoccupied house for us.” Loki started walking through the trees. “Are you well? The teleport wasn’t too bad, was it?” 

“I’m fine. I’d prefer not to eat for a little while, but breakfast isn’t going to revolt either.” 

Loki laughed. “Excellent. I tried to make the teleportation as gentle as possible.” He offered Tom his arm - which he took - and lead the way through the trees. “If I had realized that travelling via Tesseract was affecting you poorly, I would have been more inclined to come to your home rather than bring you to London.” 

“I love London, but I appreciate the consideration.” Tom leaned in and kissed Loki’s cheek. “Perhaps we can spend more time at my flat if we're not out and about? I do love what London has to offer; I’d hate to stop spending time there. So if we go to a show, or to a nice restaurant, it would be better to stay at your flat, otherwise at mine?” 

“Mmm, as you like.” Loki lead the way through the trees to a small clearing. There was a modestly sized, rundown house - a two bedroom cottage by the look of it - and an outbuilding of some kind along with an overgrown garden. “It’s far nicer inside, I assure you. It was abandoned, but I tidied the space last week.” 

“It’s lovely,” Tom replied truthfully. The cottage had a rustic charm to it and a distinctly Scandinavian flare. 

Loki smiled at him. “I’m glad you think so.” When they approached the door, the god made an intricate gesture with his free hand before opening the door. 

“Magical security?” 

“Indeed. I would hate to go to all that work and then have someone else move in before we had a chance to take advantage of it.” 

The interior was indeed much tidier that the exterior. The walls were wide expanses of blond wood. Loki threw the shutters open with a quick flick of his wrist to let the spring sunshine in. The sitting room held a single sofa, the dining area a table that was probably as old as the house. Loki lead the way upstairs to a peak-ceilinged bedroom. A large, Scandinavian style bed sat under a window. Opposite was a dressing room with a mirror on the far wall. Loki pulled their luggage from his pocket dimension and set the cases down beside the bed. 

Loki turned to Tom with a distinctly hopeful look in his eyes. “What do you think?” 

“It’s lovely, darling.” Tom drew him into a kiss. “Perfect for a holiday.” 

“Good. I’m glad you like it.” Loki reignited the kiss. “Would you like to explore the area a bit?”

“Mmm… later.” Another kiss. “I think we should make the house ours first.” 

Loki grinned. “An excellent suggestion. I’m glad you’re feeling fit enough for that.” 

“I am. Very much so.” Tom tipped back onto the bed and pulled Loki with him. 

o0o

After Christening their new bedroom, Tom fell asleep in the surprisingly comfortable slat-style bed. When he awoke a few hours later, Loki was gone. Tom drew himself up, found his dressing gown, and went looking for his lover. 

Loki was in the dressing room wearing only a green and gold dressing gown. He was staring at the mirror and didn’t seem to notice Tom coming into the room. 

“Loki?” 

Loki jumped at turned to face him. “You startled me.” His eyes were wide, and he pressed a hand to his heart. 

“Sorry. Is everything alright?” 

“Oh, yes of course.” He gave Tom a dazzling smile. “Would you like to go for a walk or some such? Or eat? It’s nearly time for lunch.” 

“Food sounds like an excellent idea.” 

“Wonderful.” Loki drew him down the stairs and into the kitchen below. “I’ve stocked us up so we needn’t go into town if we don’t want to.” 

“Certainly not today.” 

“That was my thought as well.” Loki went to the fridge and started assembling lunch. 

“Would you like any help?”

“Not at all. I’m quite certain I can manage.” 

Tom watched as Loki put together food for both of them. It didn’t take long - he took a few magical shortcuts - and soon they were sitting at the wooden table eating sandwiches. 

“The woods in this area are quite lovely,” Loki said. “The body of water is a fjord. We could take a boat out if we want. Fish, perhaps?” He shrugged. “Most trips I've taken off this nature have been hunting expeditions, so I'm uncertain what would be appropriate for a non-Asgardian lifestyle.” 

“I'd be happy to spend all day in bed, truth be told, but hiking is usually pleasant if it isn't too strenuous.” Tom looked out the window. “We'd probably feel wretched if  _ all  _ we did eat, sleep, and make love.” 

“What's the term? A ‘sex holiday’?” 

Tom laughed. “We could have just stayed at home for that.”

“True enough. Shall we plan of a bit of light hiking, then?” 

“That sounds perfect.” 

After lunch, they did exactly that. Tom layered enough that Loki was convinced that he wouldn't catch a chill and they went for a leisurely stroll along the banks of the fjord. 

“Tell me about how the mythology about you differs from the reality,” Tom asked as he slipped his arm through his lover's. “You said that it's very different?” 

Loki laughed. “That's an understatement. For one thing, Odin is portrayed as my ‘blood-brother’ rather than as my adoptive father.” 

“Yes, I recall that.” Tom chuckled. “I always thought that ‘blood-brother’ might be rather euphemistic.” 

Loki echoed the chuckle. “Oh no, please don't.” He shook his head. “I may not be related to him by blood, but that's still the man who raised me as his son.” 

“Sorry, love. I'm always on the lookout for signs of homosexuality in history or mythology.” 

“Is that why you're so enamoured of the Ancient Greeks?” 

“That had a great deal to do with it, yes. I also seem to be fairly good at Greek as a language.” Tom shrugged. “Perhaps I was an Athenian in a past life.” 

“Anything is possible.” Loki turned and kissed him. “You'd fit in quite well, I'm sure.” 

Tom laughed. “I was going to say that I prefer to be the same age as my lover, but we have a truly spectacular age gap.” 

“Indeed we do. Though if one takes relative age into account, I am younger than you.” 

“You’re over a thousand years old, I really don't think that counts.” 

“Perhaps not.” 

“So, what else did the Ancient Norse get wrong?” 

Loki counted off on his fingers as he spoke. “I don't have any children, I'd never been married before I came to your realm, Odin and I never went on mischievous adventures together. Shall I go on?”

“Did they get anything right?” 

Loki grinned. “I did once convince Thor to wear a dress and play at marrying a giant.” 

Tom laughed for a solid minute. 

o0o

They had supper overlooking the fjord as the sun set. It was beautiful and Tom found it rather romantic. They sipped their wine as the sky darkened, not speaking, but leaning into one another. As the stars came out, Tom climbed into Loki's lap and kissed him. He threaded his fingers through the god's long black locks and looked down at his face. Loki smiled and brushed his hands through Tom's beard, up into his curls, and drew him down into another kiss. 

“If it were warmer, I would happily take you right here, my darling,” Loki muttered against Tom’s lips before kissing him yet again. 

“I thought you didn’t feel the cold?” 

“I don’t, but you do.” 

Tom was about to argue that it wasn’t  _ that _ cold when a brisk wind stirred up from the fjord and he shivered. “We should go inside then. I’m rather in the mood to be taken and I’d prefer to have as much skin contact as possible while doing so.” 

“An excellent idea.” Loki braced one hand against Tom’s lower back while the other went under his bum. The god stood, pulling Tom up in his arms directly from his lap. Loki was quite strong enough to carry him, but usually didn’t. Tom wrapped his legs around Loki’s waist and held on to his shoulders. He’d had lovers before who were strong enough to lift him, but Loki did it effortlessly. 

It was breathtaking. 

A tug of magic opened the door, another shut it behind them. Tom bit the side of Loki’s neck and the god groaned in his ear. 

“If you keep doing that, I’m not going to be able to keep my balance to carry you upstairs.” 

In reply, Tom bit harder. 

They never did make it upstairs. 

o0o

Despite falling asleep on the sofa still nestled in Loki’s lap, Tom awoke in bed upstairs. 

Alone. 

Tom glanced at the clock. It was a little after four in the morning and very dark outside. “Loki?” 

There was no reply. 

He got out of bed, wrapping his dressing gown around his nude form before setting off to see if he could find his lover. The bath was empty, as was the dressing room, and the small second bedroom, so he padded downstairs. The main area below was also empty, nor did Loki appear to be out on the wooden deck where they’d eaten supper. 

“Loki? Where are you?” 

Tom was getting worried now. There was always the possibility that one of Loki’s enemies from his former universe might come looking for the god. He’d stolen the Tesseract and another powerful artifact, both of which were highly desirable objects. Loki had also betrayed those he was working for by fleeing rather than completing a doomed invasion of their version of Earth. Back in his native universe, Loki was a wanted man. 

However, Tom was psychically connected to his doppelganger. Loki had inadvertently bound them together before they even became lovers. Because of this link, Tom could feel where Loki was, and if he was alright. Tom went back inside the house and focused. After a moment’s concentration, he could feel a tug from above. He frowned and went back upstairs. Could he have missed Loki somewhere? It didn’t seem likely. Loki was the exact same size as himself, which is to say that he was not a petite person. 188 centimeters was a bit difficult to miss in a small house. 

“Loki?” 

“Yes?” 

Tom rushed into the bedroom. Loki sat on the edge of the bed in his dressing gown. He was sleep rumpled, hair awry and dressing gown askew. 

“Where were you?” 

“In the other room.” 

Tom frowned. “I looked for you.” 

The god shrugged. “We must have missed one another.” He reached out a hand. “Come back to bed, you look exhausted.” 

Tom yawned and nodded. He really was exhausted. Why had he been so worried? Loki was right here. He came back over to the bed and took Loki’s hand. He pulled Tom into bed beside him. 

“Sleep, my darling.” 

Tom fell back asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. 


	2. Chapter 2

When Tom woke next, the sun blazed through the window over the bed. Again, he was alone, but he could hear someone moving around below and the scent of coffee drifted up to him. Before he could drag himself out of bed, Loki appeared at the door with coffee and a smile. 

“Good morning.” 

“And good morning to you.” Loki set the coffee down on the small table beside the bed and kissed Tom’s forehead. “I thought you would never wake.”

“What time is it?” 

“Nearly eleven.” 

Tom’s eyes went wide. “I haven’t slept so late in ages.” 

“You’ve been working too hard. You obviously needed this holiday.” 

“Clearly.” Tom sipped his coffee. “What would you like to do today?” 

Loki looked down at his hands. “I’m actually not feeling particularly well. I believe I should rest.” 

“Oh.” He started. Loki had never been ill the whole time they'd been together. “Do you want to head home?” 

“No, I think not. I’ll be fine.” He squeezed Tom’s leg with one hand. “You shouldn’t feel obligated to stay in the house just because I’m not feeling my best. I’d hate to ruin your holiday.” 

Tom frowned. “It’s  _ our _ holiday, love.” 

“Yes, of course. I only meant that you should get out and enjoy the sunshine rather than staying inside with me. I’m only going to be a misery for the rest of the day. But I’m sure a bit of rest will help immensely.” 

“Very well, if you insist.” 

“I do.” 

Tom got out of bed and pulled clothing from his suitcase before retreating into the bath. By the time he'd showered and dressed, Loki was asleep, sprawled in the center of the bed snoring softly. Tom smiled down at him and brushed a lock of jet black hair from his lover's forehead before placing a soft kiss there. 

There was more coffee and food in the kitchen. He had breakfast - or lunch, taking time of day into account - and ventured outside. The sky was a glorious shade of blue, streaked with thin white clouds. It was chilly, but Tom soon overheated in his heavy coat, and slipped it off. He meandered along the fjord's shoreline for a good hour, enjoying the sparkles of sunlight on the water. It really was very beautiful here. It was just a pity that Loki wasn't feeling well. The only thing that would have made this better was his lover's presence. 

Tom crouched at the water's edge and looked along the surface. Perhaps he should look for a new position in London. Not Queen Anne again, certainly, but there were over a dozen well respected universities in the area. He loved the city and it would be nice to be closer to Loki. Tom hesitated to ask to move into the god's flat. It was terribly posh, but the flat had barely changed in the nine months they'd been together. Loki had taken down most of the photos of Chris, but the space still felt haunted by Loki's husband's ghost. 

Could they make this work? An alien and a human together? A nearly identical alien and human at that? Stranger things had happened. There wasn't really much for Tom to complain about. They'd often talk for hours about anything and everything. The sex was fantastic. They had so much in common, despite their differences. None of the usual warning signs were there. None of the factors that Tom always saw as his relationships faltered and died, had reared their ugly heads, so why was he so worried? It was less than a year since Chris died, it was only natural that Loki would still be attached. 

Tom sighed and straightened up from his crouch. He stretched and popped his back before he turned back towards the house. He’d been gone for a while, maybe Loki was feeling better? By the time he got back to the cottage, nearly four hours had passed. There were signs in the kitchen that Loki had stirred enough to get himself more food, but he was asleep again. Tom grabbed a snack and a book and curled up beside his lover to read while the god slept. 

The sunlight coming in through the window above the bed dimmed as evening fell, and still Loki slept. Tom decided that he might as well make supper and headed back down to the ground floor. He put together a simple meal of soup and bread. While the soup simmered on the cooker, he headed back up to see if Loki was up for more food. 

Tom sat on the bed and ran a hand through Loki’s hair. “Love?” 

The god rolled over and opened his eyes. A complicated series of emotions flowed over his features too fast for Tom to follow, before his expression settled into a smile. “What time is it?” 

“About seven. How are you feeling?” 

“Better, I think.” 

“I’ve made some soup, are you up for that?” 

“I believe so, yes.” Loki sat up in bed and stretched. 

Tom admired the long line of pale, muscular torso. “Shall I bring it up to you?” 

Loki shook his head. “Moving about would be helpful.” He threw the covers off and reached for his dressing gown. “Have you enjoyed the day?” 

“I missed you, but I did have a pleasant walk.” 

“Good.” Loki got to his feet and swayed slightly. 

Tom steadied him with a hand. “Are you alright?” 

“A bit dizzy, that’s all.” 

“Are you sure you’re alright to come downstairs? I’m happy to bring a bowl up to you.” 

“I…” Loki swayed again and sat heavily on the bed. “Perhaps that would be wise.” 

“Very well. Stay put and I’ll bring you supper.” Tom smiled and left the room. 

When he returned a few minutes later with a bowl of soup and some bread, Loki was propped up against the wall by a large stack of pillows. Tom handed the soup over and set the bread down on the side table. 

“Thank you.” Loki attacked the food like he hadn't eaten in days rather than hours. 

Tom went to get his half eaten bowl and returned with extra bread for his lover. “Do you have any idea what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you ill before.” 

Loki shrugged. “I've never contracted a human disease, but just because I haven’t before doesn’t mean I  _ can’t.” _

“Are you quite certain you don’t want to head home? If you’re feeling poorly, it might be best to cut the holiday short.” 

He shook his head. “No, I’m quite certain I’ll be better soon.” 

“If you’re sure?” Tom bit his lip and reached out to cup Loki’s cheek. His skin was cool to the touch, but it always was. 

The god nuzzled Tom's hand and kiss his palm. “I am. I already feel somewhat better for having eaten.” 

Tom smiled. “Good.” He leaned in and kissed Loki’s cheek. “Shall I let you rest now that you’ve eaten?” 

Loki looked down at his empty bowl. “Perhaps that might be best.” 

“Very well. I’ll be on the ground floor if you need me.” Tom took Loki’s bowl and his own mostly-empty one. “Just shout.” 

“Of course. I’m certain I’ll be fine.” 

Tom curled up on the sofa to read. It’s what he would have done at home, assuming he was alone. It was hardly a hardship to read in an exotic house overlooking a fjord rather than his own flat in very unexotic Bristol. 

Despite having such a long lie-in, Tom got tired at his usual time and headed up shortly before ten. Loki wasn’t in the bed, but Tom could hear the water running in the bath. He stripped and slipped into bed. He fell asleep before Loki joined him. 

o0o

The next day, Tom slept in again, but not as badly. Loki seemed to be much better, and the pair went for a leisurely walk through the forest after lunch. Tom was reluctant to push Loki in any way, so he made all of their meals, and didn’t try to instigate anything sexual. 

Loki didn’t push things either. He was paler than usual and seemed exhausted. He fell asleep almost instantly when they went to bed. Tom lay awake, watching his lover’s so-familiar face in the moonlight. Eventually, he fell asleep, as well, curled up by his doppelganger’s side. 

o0o

Tom woke the next morning alone again. 

Usually if Tom and Loki spent the night together, they would linger in bed until they were both awake. Unless they had plans for the day - like one or the of them having to leave for work - morning sex almost always resulted. That Loki would be gone again was strange to say the least. Tom listened for evidence that his lover was in the bath, or below making breakfast, but he heard nothing. He reached out to the connection in the back of his mind that told him if Loki was alright and where he was. 

There was nothing there either. Just a smooth wall of emptiness. 

Tom sat bolt upright in bed, heart pounding. Wrong. This was very very wrong. 

He thought back over the last few days. Loki’s behavior had been unusual. Had their teleport to Norway attracted unwanted attention? Had Loki been taken against his will? Tom would have thought that if Loki were in any kind of distress, he’d be able to feel it. Then again, Tom had no idea what might create a barrier like the one he felt in his mind. Loki was almost certainly capable of blocking off their connection, but Tom was certain that it hadn’t been severed. Loki told him that breaking that bond would be extremely painful, and Tom didn’t even have a headache. 

So, was he too far away to feel? In a different universe? Just blocking Tom out for some reason? 

It could be any of those things, none of them good, but of all the reasons for the separation, that last option hurt the worst. 

Tom got out of bed and pulled on jeans and a dark blue jumper and went downstairs. There was no sign that Loki had been here recently. Tom made coffee on automatic pilot while he thought about his lover’s odd behavior over the last few days. 

Loki had been fine their first day in the house. He’d made lunch and supper. They’d made love twice. It was really when Tom woke up in the middle of the night and Loki’d been gone that started his odd behavior. 

But could Tom do anything? If the house was dangerous in some way, it hadn’t affected him. Perhaps it was safe for humans but not for aliens? 

He needed help. 

If only the Doctor were still teaching at St. Lukes! The Time Lord dealt with this kind of thing all the time, but he’d packed up and left the university without notice last year. Tom had gotten a card from the Doctor saying that he was free to travel again and would stop by at some point. That had never happened, but Tom hadn’t expected the Doctor to come back and visit him. They’d really only been friends for a few months. Besides, the life of a Classics professor was hardly as interesting as exploring the universe. 

Tom still had the Doctor’s mobile number, but if the Time Lord wasn’t on Earth anymore, would that even work? Still, it was worth a try. 

Tom raced upstairs and grabbed his mobile. He half expected that the Doctor’s number would be gone, erased by some quirk of alien technology, but the number was still programmed in. Tom went back downstairs to get his coffee and listened to the ringing at the other end. A few sips of coffee later and there was no answer. He couldn’t even leave a voicemail. 

Tom sighed and slipped the mobile into his pocket. It had been a long shot anyways. 

A loud knock at the door made Tom jump. He rushed over to the front of the house. He was hoping it was Loki, or maybe the Doctor, but no. A blonde woman he’d never seen before stood on the front stoop. 

“Hello Tom, long time no see.” She had a Yorkshire accent and a slightly goofy smile. 

He blinked at her. “What?” 

She smote herself on the forehead. “Oh yes, of course. Sorry. It’s me, the Doctor. I’ve regenerated. I used be taller. And male.” 

Tom’s mouth fell open. “You’re joking.” 

“Not at all. Surely Loki explained this to you? That I used to be different when he first met me?” 

“Well, yes, but…” He stepped aside as she pushed past him. “I didn’t realize you could change gender.” 

“Sex, technically. Gender is less… physical.” 

“Fair enough, but still…” 

“What are you doing in this house?” She glanced at her watch. “By my calculations, this place should be abandoned.” 

“It was, but Loki fixed it up. We’re just here on holiday.” Tom realized that he believed this woman. She was the Doctor, or at least someone closely associated with him. Only Tom himself and the Doctor called Loki by his birth name.. Everyone else called him “Lukas,” the identity he adopted when he arrived on Earth. And Loki  _ had _ talked about the Doctor changing appearance more than just age would account for, though he hadn’t used the term “regenerate” to describe it. 

“So, what’s the problem?” 

“Problem?”

“You phoned, so there must be a problem. Unless I’m invited to the wedding? That would be nice. I love a wedding. Other than my own. Those tend to be pretty rubbish.” The Doctor tapped a finger to her lips. “I’m not sure if I’ve ever gotten married as a woman. I could wear a white dress! That would be nice too.” 

Tom interrupted this stream of seemingly confused prattle. “Loki’s missing.” 

She focused instantly. “Missing? Since when?” 

“I'm not sure. He was in bed when I went to sleep last night, but gone this morning.” 

The Doctor’s eyes flitted around the room. “Are you certain that he's gone?” 

Tom tapped his temple. “I can't feel him.” 

“Ah, so he told you about that. Good for him!” She headed for the stairs up to the first floor. “Was he paying special attention to the mirror up here?” 

“Mirror?” He followed her up the stairs. “In the dressing room?” 

“Is that a dressing room? I suppose it could be.” She headed into the room opposite the main bedroom. “This mirror.” She pointed to the mirror with a silver object in her hand. 

“Yes. The first day we got here I found him staring at it. He didn’t seem to realize I was there until I spoke to him.” Tom peered at the mirror. “Why? What is it?” He looked down at her. “How do you know so much about this house?” 

“I was here. Or rather, I will have been here shortly.” The Doctor swept the object in her hand up and down the mirror. The silver surface of the glass rippled. 

Tom’s mouth fell open. “What on Earth?” 

“Not on Earth, I’m afraid.” She looked up at him with a sad, crooked smile. “I’m really sorry, Tom.” 

“What? What do you mean? Is Loki alright?” 

She turned her eyes back to the mirror. “He’s fine. Probably. Almost certainly. He’s awfully powerful, so I imagine he’d be able to make it through with now problem. No, it’s…” She looked back at him. “How to put this…” 

“Bluntly, please Doctor. I’m not a child.” 

“How’s Loki been acting since you got here? Strange, yes? Distracted?” 

“He was fine the first day we were here, other than being… captivated by the mirror, but he was ill the next day. I’ve never seen him ill before. He seemed fine yesterday, if a little weak.” Tom shrugged and looked back at the mirror. 

“I really hate to ask this. Has he been gone at any time you didn’t expect it other than this morning?” 

“Yes. I woke up in the middle of the night when we first got here and I couldn’t find him.” 

“Did he try and convince you to leave him alone in the house?” 

Tom’s eyes went wide. “Yes. What’s going on, Doctor?” 

“So, on the other side of this mirror is a whole other universe. A really small one, but it’s… well, sentient.” 

“A sentient universe? And it’s, what, eaten Loki?” 

She shook her head. “No, not at all. It’s actually really friendly, it’s just… incompatible with our universe and terribly lonely. When I was here in several months time, it had lured the future owner of the house by taking on the form of his deceased wife. Then it did the same thing to my friend.” The Doctor turned to face Tom, gesturing with her hands. “Basically what it does is try and convince you to stay with it by taking on the form and personality of a dead loved one. Someone you miss so much that you’d be willing to leave your life behind and stay with it instead.” 

It was all horribly clear now. “Oh.” Tom took a stumbling step backwards and leaned against the wall, only to find that even that wasn’t enough support. He slid to the floor. “Oh, I see.” He looked up at her, tears in his eyes. “What do I do? I… I’m… I can’t even get home from here. I didn’t know exactly where we  _ are. _ I…” He dashed the tears away. “I can’t…” 

The Doctor crouched in front of him. “No no, don’t give up. We can get him back.” 

“But… he’s gone.” Tom wiped his eyes again. “Why would he come back if he has Chris again?” 

“Well, for one thing he doesn’t. It’s all an illusion.” 

Tom gave a scoffing laugh. “Loki loves illusions, they’re part of who he is.” He shook his head. “No, he’ll be happy there.” 

The Doctor sighed and rubbed her forehead. “You’re not willing to fight for him?” 

“I… I can’t. If he doesn’t want me, I’m not going to… to compete. How could I?” Tom shook his head. “In comparison to Chris, I’m well… nothing.” He wrapped his arms around his torso and looked at the Doctor again. “You met Chris, didn’t you? He’s one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever even seen a  _ photo _ of. Then look at me.” Tom hung his head. “He was the love of Loki’s life. I’m not going to try and take that away from him again.” 

“Even if it isn’t real?” 

Tom shrugged. “It’s pointless. I’ve never been able to convince him to do anything, and now I know why. Of course he’s still in love with Chris, that’s been obvious this whole time. I don’t know why I’ve been trying to… to fool myself into thinking that would change.” 

The Doctor sat cross legged on the floor in front of him. “Did Loki tell you what I told him after Chris died?” 

“He said that you’d been married several times, and that you… that you’d outlived them all. And that it hurt every time, but it was worth it.” 

“Yes. Love is what makes life worth living. I’ve loved so many people in my lives. Friends, lovers, parents, children. And yes, it hurts when they go, but it never means that I can’t love again, or even that I’ve stopped loving them when they’re gone and I have new people in my life. And that’s fine.” 

“But, that’s the point. If you could have your wife back, wouldn’t you take that opportunity?” 

“Which one? Several of them were happy to share, but still.” She shook her head. “No. It… it cheapens their deaths. Every one of my… my spouses sacrificed themselves. Sometimes multiple times.” 

Tom raised an eyebrow at her. 

The Doctor shrugged. “Time Lords are complicated.” 

He snorted. 

“My point is, that I’ve had the opportunity to see some of them again. River and I lived lives so out of sync with one another that she died before I ever even really knew her. The person I raised my children with died so long ago I can’t remember any of their faces. When you live for thousands of years, life can be fleeting, so you take hold of what you have and cherish it. You can’t look back, or else that’s all you’ll do.” 

“But… but isn’t that what this is? Cherishing the life of someone you love?” 

“No, it’s clinging on to something that’s already gone. As I said, it’s an illusion. An escape from reality.” 

“But, even if that’s all true, it’s not my choice, it’s his. I can't… I can't make Loki forget that he loved - loves - someone else.” 

“Nor should you.” 

Tom nodded. “Exactly.  _ He _ has to make the decision to come back or not. I can’t make that choice for him.” 

The Doctor sighed. “That's… very mature of you, but he might die if we leave him there, and possibly take his own universe - and maybe ours - with him.” 

“Oh.” 

“Exactly.” 

Tom sat and thought for a moment. “Were any of the people you saw affected by this… this phenomena made ill?” 

“Not really. My friend Graham was fine, but he was only exposed to it for a few hours. The owner of the house, his daughter seemed to think that he was unstable. But she thought that was because of her mother’s death, not because of the house.” She shrugged. “You think that Loki’s sickness is because of it?” 

Tom shrugged. “Either it’s making him ill, he’s faking it, or it’s unrelated. The last seems unlikely.” 

“Unlikely, but not impossible.” The Doctor shifted in her seat. Tom got the impression she’d be pacing if she weren’t sitting. “It is possible that he was faking being ill. I know that’s horrible, but it is possible. But honestly it’s just as likely that it is making him ill and he’s going back anyway.” 

“He’s not exactly likely to stop doing something because it hurts. Loki seems to think that his own discomfort is worth it, if a good outcome is the result.” 

“I think you might have answered your own question then.” 

Tom hung his head. “I… I suppose I have to at least find out what’s going on. If he’s safe and well, and there’s no danger to the rest of the universe - universes - I’m not going to try and get him back. But I need to make sure that Loki knows what he’s getting into.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

He looked up at the Doctor. “What? Why?” 

“I can’t go with you.” 

“You can’t… because it will muck with the timestream?” 

“Well reasoned. Yes.” 

“I see. Very well, can you at least tell me what to expect?” 

“The mirror doesn’t lead directly to that other universe. There’s a… a buffer zone, a series of organic caves, that keep it separated from ours.” The Doctor tilted her head to the side, clearly thinking. “Take a torch, and some string. There are big flesh eating moths that home in on movement. If you see or hear them, stay still. Take some meat, they’ll go after that.” 

Tom’s mouth fell open. “It sounds like something out of Greek mythology.” 

“It is, a bit. No Minotaur though. At least not that I saw. Minotaurs aren’t much fun.” 

“I’m not going to ask.” 

“Probably a good idea.” The Doctor scrambled to her feet. “Let’s get you kitted up.” She swept down the stairs and put together a survival pack for Tom in no time flat. She took a ball of twine out of her pocket. She tied a loop about three meters in. “Find something to attach this to. I’ll keep this end with me. If you need me, yank. I’ll come in if I have to.” 

Tom swallowed hard. “When I was a boy, I used to read adventure stories and thought, ‘nothing like that will ever happen to me.’ When I got older, I realized that stories like that never actually  _ happen _ to someone like me.” He made eye contact with the Doctor. “Am I wrong?” 

“Adventures are where you find them. Sometimes a hero is just an ordinary person in the right place at the right time.” She shrugged. “There’s no law that says that a hero has to be someone who looks or acts like what we think of when we imagine ‘hero’. Well, like me.” 

Tom turned to the mirror. “Perhaps our ideas of what heroes are is too limited.” 

The Doctor smiled. “I couldn’t agree more.” 

“Alright then. Wish me luck.” 

“Good luck, Tom. You can do it.” 

“Thanks.” 

Tom stepped through the mirror, and was gone. 


	3. Chapter 3

From everything the Doctor had been describing, Tom was expecting dark, drippy caverns filled with things that wanted to eat him. What he got were glowing blue walls made of a smoking plasma and a low hum that grated in the background. The color was the same as the Tesseract - a brilliant azure - the same color Loki's eyes were when Tom met him as “Lukas” years ago. 

Tom blinked in the brilliant blue light and put the torch away in the backpack the Doctor gave him. If he looked past the plasma, he could see dark shapes beyond. Perhaps they were stone walls? It was hard to tell. The floor was uneven rock, and the walls notably warm, though he didn’t get close enough to touch. Tom looked around to find some place to hook the string the Doctor had given him, but there was nothing. The string just stuck out through the wall he’d come from. 

It seemed overwhelmingly likely that Loki was responsible for these walls. That the god had set up some kind of space using the Tesseract. Perhaps to stabilize the area, perhaps to keep the denizens of the caves away. Perhaps just as a path through the maze. Loki never did anything halfway. Such drama suited him. 

Tom smiled, then swallowed down a sob. God, he was going to miss Loki so much. Even if he could convince him to return, it seemed unlikely that Loki would want to stay in their relationship. This whole thing was… this was telling. 

“Pull yourself together, this isn't about you.” Tom started down the path, the corridor the Tesseract had made, spooling his string out behind him. 

The near-silence was eerie. The hum of walls was almost out of his hearing range, more felt in his bones than heard. He walked for a good few minutes before he saw anything that looked like a turning. Even then, there wasn't a choice to be made, just a curve in the plasma. 

A shriek pierced the air as something impacted against one of the walls just to his left. Something black the size of a pigeon fluttered against the blue wall. It screamed and twisted, and Tom leapt away from the now-smoking blue material. The scent of burnt flesh filled the air. Tom curled his lip at the stench and started walking faster. 

More minutes passed. More things impacted the walls, trying to get at him, only to burn against the plasma instead. The high shrieks of pain became unbearable, and Tom covered his ears. Shut his eyes against the predators who wanted his blood. 

And still, the walk went on. 

Tom tried to reach out to Loki with his mind. To use the connection that bound them together, but he still felt nothing, not even a vague direction. Either the barrier between universes was enough to block him, or Loki was keeping Tom out intentionally. 

It seemed like he’d wandered this endless corridor of glowing blue forever. There were no choices to be made, just twists and turns in the azure hallway. Maybe it wasn’t a way to the other universe at all. Maybe it was a trap. An eternal, infinite space to keep everyone away. To keep Loki safe in his love nest. 

To make sure that Tom couldn’t find him. 

Why was he even doing this? Loki didn’t want him, that was obvious. He’d probably just tell Tom to go away and leave him alone. He’d reject Tom to stay with the shade of his beloved husband. 

Tom was nothing, no one. A scrawny example of humanity with a humdrum life and cowardly demeanor. How had he even come to this? He kept to himself, avoided conflict, never put himself out there. He wasn’t even out of the closet to most of co-workers. How could he be expected to rescue a lover who didn’t want to be rescued? 

Tom looked down at the rough stone floor. He couldn’t quite believe his eyes, but there was the string he’d been spooling out behind him since he got to this nightmare place. 

He was walking around in circles. 

Tom crumpled to the ground. Covered his face with his hands and wept. 

“It’s alright.” 

Tom looked up. A boy sat in front of him on the floor. A boy with wild blond curls, blue eyes covered by glasses, and a sad smile. 

A boy he recognized as himself. 

“What?” Was he hallucinating? How could a child be here? 

“It’s alright,” the boy repeated. “You’ll be fine.” He patted Tom’s knee with a very corporeal-feeling hand. 

“What?” Tom looked around, but there was nothing else anomalous. Just endless blue walls and rough stone floors. “What’s going on?” 

The boy shrugged. He looked to be about 12 or 13, before he’d gone off to Eton. Tom remembered that time with mixed emotion. That was before puberty hit like a lorry. Before he realized that he didn’t want what most of the other boys wanted. A time of innocence. But his family had been breaking then, too. It felt like everything around him was melting into chaos, and there was nothing he could do to keep his universe together. 

He felt that way now. Maybe that’s why he saw this child. 

Or maybe he was dreaming all of this. Maybe he was still asleep in the slat-based bed back in Norway, Loki sleeping by his side. Or back in Bristol, and this whole thing was a nightmare. 

“You’re not dreaming, I am.” 

Tom blinked. “Can you tell what I’m thinking?” 

“No.” Young Tom shook his head. “Just what you’re feeling. It’s okay, really.” 

“But… you don’t understand.” 

“You miss Loki, right?” 

Tom’s mouth fell open. “I thought you couldn’t read my thoughts.” 

“Well, okay, I’m not  _ sure _ that it’s Loki, but that seems right. That’s how I feel when I miss him.” 

Tom frowned. This didn’t make any sense. He’d met Loki - as Lukas - when he was in his early 30s, not as a child. “How do you know Loki?” 

“He’s my best mate. Here, let me try something.” Young Tom closed his eyes, and an image of a boy with shoulder-length, wavy black hair appeared by his side. This second child was almost identical to the first, save for his coloring and having no glasses. He was clothed in a slightly ratty black tee-shirt and faded black jeans, nothing like his own Loki’s posh style, and very human. Young Tom gestured to the stationary figure. “See?” 

Tom stared at this child version of Loki. He wore a mischievous smile, like he was planning some sort of prank. He clearly wasn’t _there_ in the way that child Tom was; this was just an image. But Tom had never seen a _picture_ of Loki as a child. The god hadn’t brought anything like a photo album - or whatever Asgard had - with him to Earth. Just the Tesseract, the scepter, and the armor on his back. But Loki was over a thousand years old, it just wasn’t feasible for the two of them to know each other as children.

But this child, this boy, was certainly what he would expect. He looked so innocent, mischievous demeanor notwithstanding. Tom looked closer, and yes, there was a hint of pain around his pale eyes, but nothing like the agony he’d seen in his lover. This was Loki before the universe brought him to his knees. 

Tom reached out to touch the image’s cheek, but young Loki vanished. Tom couldn’t help but make a small sound of dismay. 

“Sorry. He’s not really here.” 

Tom sighed and hung his head. “I know. My Loki isn’t here either.” 

“But you're trying to find him, right? That's why you're so sad? Because you can’t find him?” 

Tom nodded. “He… he should be at the other end of this tunnel, but it doesn't seem to have an end. And…” He looked up at the child version of himself. “I don't think he wants to come back with me.” 

“Of course he does. Why wouldn't he?” 

“I… it's complicated.” Tom ran his hands over his face. He did not want to explain to a child that his version of Loki was more than a “best mate.” Or that he might be “just a friend” again. A barely pubescent version of himself would not be ready for that conversation. In a few years, yes. But not now. “He's found someone he’d rather be with than me.” 

“Oh.” The boy bit his lip and pushed his glasses up him nose. “Can't he be with you both? It's good to have lots of mates, right?” 

Tom laughed. Out of the mouths of babes. Not that he didn't have a few friends who were in polyamorous relationships, but Tom had never felt like that was something he could do. He was too jealous of his partner's time and attention. It was alright for some, but not for him. “Perhaps, but I still can't find him. He’s in another universe.” 

“Oh. I’m sorry.” 

Tom blinked at his younger self. “That doesn’t seem to surprise you.” 

The boy shrugged. “I’m from another universe. I mean, I’m not from the one I live in. I’m also not from this one, but you knew that, since this is your universe.” 

Tom stared at the boy, mouth agape. This was all terribly strange, but when he thought about it, it did make some sense. He’d looked into multi-worlds theory after the Doctor had explained that he and Loki were different versions of the same person from parallel worlds. It made sense that there would be other versions of himself and Loki out there. There might even a few that had crossed universes and were now together. But for a twelve year old version of himself to understand that was staggering. 

“How did you get here?” 

Young Tom shrugged. “I got to other worlds when I sleep. Not like regular dreams. At least that’s what everyone else tells me. Most of the time I just see through other people’s eyes, but you were hurting so much. I needed to talk to you.” 

“If you’re asleep back in your own universe, how are we able to touch?” 

“Oh. Good question.” The boy reached out and patted Tom’s arm. “That is weird, now that you mention it.” He looked around. “Maybe it’s because of the Tesseract?” 

Tom’s mouth dropped open. “How do you know about the Tesseract?” 

“She used to be at my school. Supposedly she brought me into the universe I live in now.” 

“She? The Tesseract is a she?” 

“Oh yes, definitely.” 

Tom rubbed his forehead. This was mad. None of this could possibly be real. Yes, the world was an odd place. He knew that better than most, but this… This was a whole new level of strange. “Listen, I appreciate you… you talking with me, but I really need to find Loki.” 

“He’s in danger? It’s not just that he’s lost?” 

“How…?” 

Young Tom rolled his eyes. “I told you, I can feel your emotions. I can’t really keep yours out, which is a bit weird. Usually I can keep anyone out. Except Loki.” The boys shrugged. “It must be because we’re the same person or something.” 

“I’m afraid I don’t really know much about magic or psychic powers.” 

“Huh.” 

Tom narrowed his eyes at the child. That ‘huh’ was the sort of reaction that he would have given to someone saying that they’d never read Shakespeare. A “really? You poor thing. How deprived your life must be” response. It was a bit infuriating to get such a condescending response from a twelve year old. “If you’re able to help me, I’d welcome the assistance.” 

Young Tom nodded. “Okay, well, let’s see if we can find Loki.” He scrambled to his feet, and dusted his hands off on his jeans. Tom realized with a start that he recognized the jeans the child wore. There was a large patch over one knee with a distinctive blue star on it. Tom had worn those jeans almost constantly until he grew out of them. Likewise, the tee-shirt was one out of his own childhood wardrobe. Young Tom looked down at him. “What? What just surprised you?” 

“I just… I recognize your clothes.” 

“Oh. Well, we are the same person.” 

Tom rubbed his temples. “This is giving me a headache.” 

“Sorry. I’m distracting you. I’d hate it if Loki got hurt because of me.” 

“It’s alright.” Tom got to his feet. “I don’t know how to find him. I can’t feel him. I thought… this is supposed to be a tunnel to where he is, but it leads around in circles.” 

“Oh. I suppose that makes sense.” Young Tom looked up and down the hallway. “If you were in danger, do you think he’d come?” 

“I… perhaps? If you’d asked me that a few days ago, I would have said yes, but now… I don’t know anymore.” Tom closed his eyes. “I don’t think he’s paying any attention to me right now.” 

The solid weight of a twelve year old boy wrapped around Tom’s stomach as the child hugged him. “I’m so sorry. I know what that feels like. I know… I’m always worried he’s going to forget about me. That he’s going to leave me behind.” 

Tom looked down as the boy looked up. “Are you?” 

Young Tom nodded. “He’s… he’s the best mate I’ve ever had, but… I don’t belong where I am. Not at school, not even in that universe. I’m so afraid he’s going to get hurt, or just leave me behind.” 

“I understand.” Tom wrapped his arms around the child version of himself. “I really do.” He remembered when he was a child, it was so much easier in some ways, but he’d still worried about being different, even before he’d realized how different he was. The boy’s insecurities matched his own, but in a way that had nothing to do with sex. But this affection, freely given by a reflection of himself, stirred Tom to tears. “I wish… I wish I could tell you that it’ll all be fine, that nothing can change the way he feels, or the way that you feel. But it’s not true. Everything changes.” 

“But change can be good, can’t it?” 

“Yes, it can, but sometimes it isn’t.” 

“Yes.” 

Tom looked down at the young version of himself. Was there anything he could say that might make a difference in this boy’s life? “Listen to me. I know… I know it’s hard. I know you feel different. I do too. I did when I was your age, and I still do now, but… don’t give up. I once dreamed of being an actor, but I chose a different path. I might… I might be in a very different place if I hadn’t given up on that dream. I’m not sure if it would be better or worse, but I decided not to do that with my life because I was afraid, and fear isn’t a good reason to do anything.” 

“Afraid of what?” 

“Judgement, I think. It meant putting myself out there every day, facing rejection after rejection. I couldn’t… I couldn’t face that.” 

“I think I understand. I’ve done my best to be brave, but it’s so hard sometimes.” 

“It is. But…” Tom took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I suppose I’ve let fear rule my life for a long time. And who knows, if I’d been a bit braver, I might have an Oscar, or a BAFTA sitting at home instead of lesson plans.” 

“You’re a teacher?” There didn’t seem to be any judgement to that question, just curiosity. 

“I lecture Classics at a university in Bristol.” 

“Oh. That sounds fairly interesting. I don’t really know what I’d like to do after I get out of school. Being a professor might be nice though.” 

Tom laughed. “I actually love teaching, so I suppose it’s worth keeping in mind.” 

Young Tom giggled. “So you are happy? At least with your job?” 

Tom started. “I am. I… for the most part, I do like where I am. There could be changes, and if Loki… If he doesn’t want to come back… and even if he does...” He looked away and wiped his eyes surreptitiously. Though if his younger self was telling the truth, if he was an empath, then it would be pointless to hide his grief. 

“Okay, let’s find him.” Young Tom pulled away and looked around. 

“How? He doesn’t want to be found, and this place is just a giant loop. It isn’t even a maze.” 

“Umm… Well, we ask.” 

Tom blinked at his younger self. “What?” 

“We ask. Just a sec.” The boy walked over to one of the glowing azure plasma walls. He held out a hand so that it was a bare millimeter from the heated material, and closed his eyes. 

Tom gasped and reached out to keep his young self away from being horribly burned, but there was no sign that the boy was in pain. As Tom watched, blue light engulfed the other's hand in rolling snakes of plasma. Tom was certain that it must have been incredibly painful, but the child was silent, a look of concentration on his face. After a few long moments of wondering how one treated plasma burns, young Tom opened his eyes. For a moment, his eyes glazed the azure of the walls around them. The color Loki's had been when Tom met him. Then he blinked and his eyes were their normal sky blue again. 

He smiled up at Tom. "This way." He started walking back the way Tom had come from, trailing his fingers along the burning wall. 

Tom gazed at his younger self in disbelief. He expected this kind of ability from Loki. Loki was an alien magician from another universe, no matter what he looked like. Loki had access to technology that blurred the line between magic and science: truly fantastical. But this boy… This child was  _ him. _ This was young Tom Hiddleston, a human boy who wore jeans with holes in the knees that had been carefully patched by his mum. Who wore glasses, and had blond curls that were chaos incarnate. He was Tom in a way that Loki was not. 

But as Tom watched, the azure plasma of the Tesseract flowed up the boy's arm, dancing on his skin. Young Tom giggled, like the energy tickled, rather than burned. 

After a moment of gobsmacked incredulity, Tom chased after the boy. "How are you doing that?" 

Young Tom glanced at Tom and pushed his glasses more firmly up his nose. "She likes me." 

"Oh." 

"She also thinks that Loki's making a mistake and wants to help us find him." Young Tom looked around at the azure walls. "She doesn't like being here either." 

Tom had never thought about the Tesseract as though it might have opinions, or awareness of any kind. To him, it was a powerful object and nothing more. Perhaps he was wrong. 

Tom wondered if he’d been wrong about a lot of things. 

After a minute of walking down the eerily-lit blue walls they arrived at a branching. Tom would have sworn it hadn’t been here before, and when he looked down, the string lay along the floor going in one direction, but not the other. 

Young Tom pointed down the corridor without the string. “She says that this is the way to where Loki’s gone.” 

“Oh.” Tom swallowed hard. “I… I suppose I should go down there.” 

“If Loki’s in danger, you should help him.” Young Tom glanced up at him. “That’s what we’re for.” 

“What?” 

“Well, that’s what  _ I’m _ for.” Young Tom pushed up his glasses. “Do you want me to come with you?” 

“I…” Tom rubbed his hands over his face. “I think I need to do this alone.” That wasn’t entirely true. Mostly Tom wanted to protect his younger self from the inevitable row that would happen once he confronted Loki. And the knowledge that this boy’s best mate was Tom’s lover -  _ former _ lover - was not something he’d inflict on any twelve year old. “I’d prefer you not get caught in the middle.” 

Young Tom raised an eyebrow at him. “Alright, if you’re sure.” He gave Tom another hug. “Good luck.” And he vanished. 

Tom shivered and looked around. The eerie blue halls were empty, and the side path was still open. He took a deep breath, and walked down the new corridor. A few twists later, and he came to a door formed from sparking azure light. Before he could do more than wonder how to get through, the door dissipated into blue motes. With another deep breath, Tom forced himself to walk through to the other side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anybody remember that part of _Reflections of Gold_ when Tom had that weird dream where Loki runs off with the Tesseract with somebody who's an amalgamation of Tony and Thor? Yeah, this was that.


	4. Chapter 4

Tom walked through a door made of supernatural blue energy, and emerged onto the roof of Loki’s flat. Loki owned the building which housed his bookshop and the flats above, and had created a garden on the roof of that building. Tom and Loki rarely spent time in that roof-top garden, but Tom had been there. It was a beautiful space, but Loki didn’t seem to want to use it often. Now Tom understood why. 

The garden was a bower. The plants created the illusion of complete isolation, of a privacy very rare in London. In the area where Loki now had a small table and two chairs, instead stood a low platform piled with pillows. It was lovely. Romantic. A love nest. 

Reclining on that pile of pillows was a man that Tom recognized as Loki’s late husband, Chris, and Loki himself. 

Chris was larger than life. Tom had seen photos of the man, but they’d never met. Chris had been killed only a week before Tom came back into Loki’s life. The Australian was a giant of a man. Tom and Loki were both tall, but very slim. Chris was even taller than them, and twice as wide. He’d spent more time at the gym per week than Tom had in his entire life. He was handsome enough to be a model, and had actually been an actor back home in his native country, but had - in Loki’s words - never gotten his “big break.” And, much like Tom was the spitting image of Loki, Chris looked very much like Loki’s adopted brother Thor. Loki had told Tom the story of how this realization came about, that Loki’s lover resembled his brother. It had been odd, but hadn’t damaged their relationship. They’d gotten married less than a year later, as soon as they legally could. 

Now presented with the reality of Loki’s dead husband in front of him, Tom’s resolve wavered. Chris was not his usual type - Tom preferred a more slender body-type - but dear God the man was handsome. All of Tom’s self-doubt crashed over him a thousand-fold. He should just go. Leave Loki to the illusion of his dead love. Their relationship couldn’t possibly go back to what it was, even if he wanted it to. What was he  _ doing  _ here? Loki was clearly happy. He lay with his head in Chris’s lap, as the large blond ran his fingers through Loki’s long black hair. Tom should just turn around and walk away. Loki was better off without him anyway.

Tom was on the verge of doing just that when Loki turned his head to look over at him. 

Loki looked  _ terrible. _ Blood-shot eyes surrounded by shadows so deep that they seemed bruised looked at Tom in disbelief. Loki had always been thin, but he looked emaciated. Like he'd been ill for months, not days. 

“Tom?” He sounded like he’d been screaming weeks on end, his voice was so broken. “What are you doing here?” 

Tom’s blood lit on fire, then plunged to ice. “Oh I don’t know, perhaps I was wondering where my boyfriend disappeared off to?” He glared at them both. “And I suppose I felt some obligation to let you know that you’re in mortal danger here, but it doesn’t seem like you care.” 

Loki frowned. “I don’t understand.” 

“No? Dear God, Loki, what were you thinking? How could you  _ do _ this to me?” Tom dashed away angry tears. “You lied to me, over and over again. You abandoned me in the middle of nowhere to run off with a figment?” He jabbed a finger towards Chris. “He’s not real! Just being in this place is making you ill, and all you care about is a moment’s pleasure with your lost love? Am I worth so little to you?” 

“I…” Loki looked from Tom up to Chris. “I’m… I don’t…” 

Tom threw up his hands. “Of course you can’t answer. I was just a… a convenience to you. Another stupid human to play with until you got bored. It didn’t take long, did it? A few months and you don’t care anymore. This thing we have must mean so little to you. You couldn’t commit to it before, and now I know why. You’ve never gotten over him.” Tom covered his face with his hands. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so upset with anyone. He glared at the pair over his fingers. “Tell me this, Loki. Was coming here just a ruse? Did you already know when you brought me here?” 

Loki, slowly pulled himself into a sitting position. “No. I had no idea that this place was more than it seemed.” 

Tom flinched and looked away. “You’re lying.” He shook his head. “Even after this, you’re still lying to me. Why? What do you hope to achieve?” 

“I… Very well, I knew that this place was unusual. I knew that there was a thin place here. An area where the barriers between worlds are easily breached. But I didn’t know the nature of that other world.” 

This rang true to Tom, as much as he wanted to believe the worst of Loki right now. “Then why lie about it? Why not tell me? Why not just cut the holiday short and send me home, so you could come back here yourself?” 

Loki looked down at the floor. “I never wanted to hurt you.” 

Tom laughed, humorless and harsh. “You never wanted to hurt me? You abandon me in a deserted house in God-knows-where Norway, and you never wanted to  _ hurt _ me? What… I don’t even have words for how ridiculous that is. Did you somehow think I wouldn’t notice? Or were you just expecting me to go along with this?” Loki bit his lip and refused to meet Tom’s gaze. “You were. You expected me to be completely fine with you cheating on me with your dead husband.” Tom shook his head in disbelief. “Well I’m not. You don’t get to have both of us. You don’t get to lie to me over and over again and have me be okay with it. Sorry, God of Lies, you don’t get to have your cake and eat it too. You’ve made your choice and now you get to die with it.” He turned on his heel and stalked back towards the entrance. 

“Wait!” 

Tom paused, then glanced over his shoulder. Loki struggled to his feet, swayed, and took a step towards him. 

“What?” 

“I… I’m… I’m sorry.” 

“You’re sorry? What part of this are you sorry for, Loki? Are you sorry you got caught? That you brought me here at all? That you decided to cheat on me? That this place is sucking the life out of you?” 

“All of that and more. I’m… I wasn’t thinking clearly about any of this. When I found this place… I thought it must be some sort of gate to the afterlife. I know that isn’t true, but that’s what I thought.” 

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Tom crossed his arms over his chest and glared. “For fuck’s sake, did you really think that I wouldn’t notice that you were disappearing every day? That you tricked me into leaving the house?” Tom thought back to their first day in the house, the first time Loki vanished. “You made me fall asleep, didn’t you? You used magic on me to make me fall asleep and forget that there was anything odd about your behavior.” 

Loki’s silence was damning. 

“How many breaches of trust are we talking about here?” Tom shook his head. “Alright, I’ll say my piece and then I’m leaving. This place is killing you, it’s possible that it might inflict terrible damage on my world, and yours as well. You can embrace this illusion for as long as you can survive, but you won’t have me to come home to. I’m not going to cook your meals and take care of you while you’re ill because you can’t let the dead stay dead. Goodbye Loki.” Tom turned and walked back to the portal. He ignored Loki’s frantic cries as he walked away from the god and his lover. It broke his heart - what shards were left after Loki smashed it - but he didn’t turn back once. Tom ducked through the portal, back into the blue walled-corridor that lead back to the real world. 

The walk back to the mirror didn’t take long. Tom followed the string and walked back through the mirror portal only a few minutes after leaving Loki behind. 

The Doctor greeted him with a crooked smile. “I take it it didn’t go well?” 

He shook his head. “I told him what I intended to. I don’t think he’ll listen, but I did what I had to do.” Tom wiped his eyes. “I don’t suppose you could give me a lift back to Bristol?” 

“‘Course I can. We can even take the long route, and take a trip somewhere more interesting than Bristol. You could meet Shakespeare.” 

Tom gave the Doctor a tenuous smile. “I’d like that. Let me grab my gear and we can go.” 

The Doctor nodded, so Tom gathered his belongings as quickly as he could, and followed her out the door. He didn’t look back at the pleasant house. He just walked straight for the Police Box he recognized from the Doctor’s office at St. Luke’s. He could go on his own adventures, Loki be damned. 

o0o

Traveling with the Doctor wasn’t like anything else. Life with a god had prepared Tom for some aspects, but the Doctor took Tom places that he’d only ever dreamed about, and some well beyond those dreams. Still, Tom was a homebody at heart. After a few adventures - and misadventures - Tom said farewell to the Doctor and her time and space machine, and came home to Bristol again. 

As long as he’d been away, only a week had passed on Earth. It felt like a lifetime. His small flat was exactly as he'd left it, save for a small pile of post on the mat in front of the door. He went about making himself a cup of tea, and unpacking his belongings. 

About half an hour after he returned home, Tom was starting to think about supper. He hated to cook after a trip, so he was sorting through his collection of takeaway menus when there was a knock at his door. 

Tom frowned, and answered the door. 

Loki stood outside. 

"What do you want?" Tom snapped. He was tempted to just slam the door in Loki's face, but restrained himself. 

"I… I came to apologize again." 

"Did you now? What makes you think I want to hear it?" 

Loki chewed on his lower lip. "I'm quite certain that you don't, but I needed to say… I'm sorry that I treated you so poorly. I took you for granted, and you don't deserve that. You didn't deserve any of this. I was selfish and… and a bad boyfriend, and… I'm sorry." 

Tom frowned. He could tell that Loki was being sincere. He was still tied to the god, still bound to him in a way that made it simple to discern his intentions. Loki hadn’t severed that bond while Tom was away. Their connection didn’t mean that they had to be lovers, or even friends, but it did mean that Tom could read Loki easily. Now he knew to look. He wouldn’t allow Loki to lie to him again. 

Loki was too thin, and looked like he hadn't been sleeping well, but he no longer had the appearance of a late-stage cancer patient. The memory of Loki’s emaciated form had haunted Tom the whole time he’d travelled with the Doctor. Tom’s time spent away eased his heartbreak, but he was still upset. He also knew that no matter how hurt he was, how angry he was at Loki, Tom still cared about him. It was good to see that he was better. 

“When did you leave?” Tom asked after a long moment. “When did you stop going to that place?” 

Loki looked up. He seemed startled by the question. “When you left. I tried… I followed you, but you were already gone by the time I got out of there. I haven’t gone back.” 

Tom could feel the truth behind this. He nodded. “I’m still very upset with you, but… I’m glad you’re alright. That place was killing you.” 

Loki nodded. “It was. And I am sorry. I… I’m not sure what I was thinking. You’re the best thing that has happened to me, and I… I…” He wiped away a tear. “I think I was so caught up with the idea that… if Chris was back in my life… then I…” Loki shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what I was thinking. I’m sorry. It was wrong. I was a fool. And I understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with me again. But I would like to be friends, if you can stand the sight of me. I’ve missed you.” 

Tom thought about this for a long moment. “I… Yes.” 

Loki looked up. Hope lurked in the corners of his eyes. “Yes?” 

“I’m willing to be friends. We can go from there. I missed you too, but I’m still angry. You betrayed my trust. You’ll have to earn it back.” 

Loki smiled. “I can do that.” 

“I’m not sure you can, but you have my permission to try.” 

“Thank you. That’s more than I deserve.” 

Tom laughed. “True.” 

Loki grimaced. “I  _ did _ deserve that. Very well. I’ll leave you to unpack and settle back in at home.” He straightened his spine. “I hope that you’ll be willing to tell me about your time away at some point. Good evening.” He gave Tom a small bow, and left. 

Tom thought about calling Loki back. They could have takeaway and chat. Have a drink together, and… 

No. If Tom invited Loki into his flat, it would be as though nothing had changed between them. He’d give in. Loki might or might not deserve a second chance, but Tom deserved to have a boyfriend he could trust, if nothing else. That boyfriend might be Loki, or it might not. In either case, Tom owed it to himself to find out rather than just fall back into their old patterns. He was done with letting fear rule his life, and that included the fear of being alone. 

  
  



End file.
